That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Randomize
