she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
