is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
