I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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