My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
