I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
