he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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