It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
