Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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