the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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