I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My dick has a subreddit
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
