I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
