First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
