wrigley field is MILF paradise
false alarm. still invincible.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So. Much. Porn.
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