I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
