its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
