I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
