**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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