Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
