It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
