He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
