you would pick up someone in the library
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
