he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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