I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
