we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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