He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
