I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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