The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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