May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
