I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
