FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
