Screwed.edu
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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