Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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