I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i came on her dog
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
