Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
