Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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