oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
