I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
