For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
