I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
