george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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