like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She needs sedatives and a leash
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
