i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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