let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
