If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
