I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
