Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
