Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
