i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
