Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
