Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
