you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it's great music for shaving your balls
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
