On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
