no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
